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02 July 2010 @ 04:43 pm
Midnight Sun--First sight, part 2  
Been a while. We left off the story with Edward discovering he can't read Ducky's thoughts-- not that he wants to --- oh, but he must for his family's safety-- she seems so shallow anyway-- her eyes are deep though-- is this sounding insane? Now the continuation of that!

Edward heads to Biology class while insulting the teacher:

It was doubtful Mr. Banner, a man of no more than average intellect, would manage to pull out anything in his lecture that would surprise someone holding two graduate degrees in medicine.

Yes, Edward, you are such a genius. Let us count the ways:

1) In Twilight you wanted to run away from 3 vampires when you are part of a family of seven and “came up” with a plan that was way too complicated and separated your forces. And for what? You guys still fought with him at the end.
2) In New Moon you went away to die by sparkles without even stopping at Bella’s funeral.
3) In Eclipse you couldn’t figure out it was Victoria behind it.
4) In Breaking Dawn you decided the best way to convince your wife to abort was to pimp her off behind her back.

So please continue to demean the teacher. You obviously posses a higher intellect. And I'm sure I'm missing idiot moments.

Ducky walks in with Angela, who lets us know that Ducky is just shy and wonderful, and sits with Edward. The guy starts going on about how he’ll use the proximity to read her thoughts, which surely will suck, because dammit, how dare she have privacy!

We then have fan scene and Edward jizzes in his pants and wants to crack Ducky open on the lab table. The narration goes into noir mode and everything. I just rolled my eyes at it since I already know nothing happens and he’s still pompous and annoying.

Apparently even Edward’s constipated look is super hot since Ducky blushes looking at him. This makes him more constipated and she blushes more. Horrible cycle we’re in folks.

Edward starts planning how best to drink Ducky Colada and destroy the evidence. By the destroying the evidence I mean kill everyone in under a minute to hide the fact he drank Ducky dry. He does so in incredible detail (Our hero ladies and gentlemen).

Funny thing about that, more murder would just make you look guiltier. People are bound to notice a classroom full of dead people except for you and your bloody mouth. The least you could do is to wait for Ducky to be alone and then kill her. Don’t you dare call Mr. Banner stupid when you come up with plans like this!

After pages of wanting to paint the classroom red, Edward remembers Carlisle and comes to the conclusion the good doctor will forgive him, but decides that the murder of a whole classroom might be a bad idea. Again, our hero! His conscience lies with the doctor. He’s worst than James! At least James was honest with himself.

Instead he starts wondering “Why me? Why is she here?” and a series of wah, wah, wah that reminds me of my sister when she was a baby. Our dark killer of the night is a bit of a whiny bitch. He moves to complain about she smells and decides to stop breathing since vampires don’t need to. ... ... ... You’re an idiot.

No, don’t try to justify yourself saying she’s just that tasty and this is uncomfortable. So much for good vampire! You just complained for pages and wasted time when this should have been your first reaction to the smell. That and mentally sing the macarena to forget everything. Besides, if this is the hardest thing you’ve done (not breath for an hour when you don’t need to) then I have to say you’re a wimp, sir.

He goes on and on about how he’ll kill her later when she’s alone (finally he makes a bit of sense). He’s going to wait until Ducky is alone in her kitchen and bite her and he describes it in loving detail. Done right it’s a good plan. He can make it seem like a break in and kidnapping and sup her in peace somewhere else.

I know I sound horrible by agreeing with him instead of calling him a two face jerk (which he is) for having no qualms about eating this girl. Still, I didn’t really blink when Lestat or Spike ate people so I figured I could cut Edward that much slack, even if Meyer goes on and on about how wonderful he is. What pisses me off more is he putting himself up in this pedestal of genius before he proceeds to be very stupid.

Bell rings, finally!, and Edward hides in his car moping. Truly he is a mature man among teenagers! He’s even hearing music as a way to heal his tormented soul. XD

Edward bitches about Alice and her not seeing anything. (Dude, Alice never sees anything unless it’s convenient to the plot). He eventually decides to avoid Ducky by changing classes.

Edward heads to the office and dazzles the secretary into submission and it is kinda icky. Picture Robert Pattison seducing your mom. She may be pretty (I know mine is) but there’s still something gross about it. Meyer is not even sensitive about it either, making the secretary wet her panties as a 13 year old girl with being described with a bad perm and thick glasses (because every grown woman is old and ugly).

Ducky then shows up and Edward run away looking like a kid shouting “Potty emergency”. This is what Ducky finds hot? Vampire or not running around like a rabid chihuahua is not sexy. I may be asexual, but I know that much. Even so, I have to say this is giving me nice mental pictures.

Edward meets up with his family and I have to high five Emmet for at least knowing what fun is (in this case rematch with Jasper). Edward gets the wheel (because he is totally in the right mindset to drive 70 miles per hour) and everyone wonders what’s up with him. Alice checks his future, because that’s cooler than talking to him I guess. Alice then declares he’s leaving and Edward then goes back to thinking of Ducky. Then she sees him killing Ducky and that’s why Edward will run away.

The family gets down, leaving Edward alone to go back to Forks. We end this chapter wondering if he will eat Ducky with some sweet and sour sauce on top or leave this forsaken place. Well, seeing as we already know from Twilight he won’t eat her, we already know the answer of that. Hey, at least we’ll see something different next chapter.

I do love that Jasper, Emmet and Rosalie say nothing about the little tidbits they get from Alice. Sure, Edward say they are apprehensive, but I bet they are thinking “So, are we getting rid of the pompous, arrogant asshole? Dibs on his room” You know they’re fighting on their way back because Emmet and Jasper want a game room, Rosalie wants a powder room and Alice is appalled... while suggesting to Rosalie that they turn it into the world’s biggest walking closet with a mirror shiny enough to entertain Rose for hours.

I have a positive for this chapter folks: crazy Edward. It totally canons Musical-Edward. It gave me the biggest set of giggles. It would have been so glorious if Edward ran to the boy’s bathroom and shouted “I’m not a monster” at his reflection. The only problems with it is that:

1) Edward is said to be civil, perfect, selfless and wonderful for four books. Even the beginning of this chapter was about how great Edward Cullen is and how you suck for not being him without being ironic. That amount of over Stueness without being satirical dampers this scene for me.
2) This is almost word for word from Twilight, so we are constantly reminded of what’s going to happen. I get the feeling it would have been better to start years before meeting Ducky and then eventually move on from there. Or at least shows us a day without Ducky in the life of Edward Cullen.
3) He acts like an idiot most of the time, yet he doesn’t realize he does. What tells him the “kill everyone” is a bad idea? Carlisle. What tells him simply eating Ducky in her kitchen is a bad idea? Carlisle and Chief Swan (as a father, not a policeman). He doesn’t think things through, yet he goes on about how smart he is. IF he had at least realized that there are things he can’t “outthink” of and that in the end he can be as vulnerable as anybody I would have like it better, but he doesn’t.

Maybe Meyer should consider writing a novel apart from Twilight with an intentional crazy character and no love at first smell. Some of Edward’s psychosis did have some potential.
Feeling: deviousdevious
zelda_queenzelda_queen on July 3rd, 2010 01:23 am (UTC)
"So please continue to demean the teacher. You obviously posses a higher intellect. And I'm sure I'm missing idiot moments."

Ah, informed abilities, how we love thee. You could say much the same about Bella. They sort of are a match made in heaven in that regard - both are condescending jerkwards who think that book smart means that they're geniuses, when they probably couldn't figure out which way to stick a house key into the lock.

And I think you got the main points for Edward there. If you tried to list them all, it would be a VERY long list. XD
Miss Shaolina: Jimmy and Joanshaolina on July 3rd, 2010 02:03 am (UTC)
I know! I got so mad when I read that quote! This guy has been an idiot all the way through and he just comes in a is a jerk to the teacher. And being a teacher is hard enough as it is (I was one for a short while) so I don't appreciate his attitude.

Heck, his plans to kill Ducky were stupid at best.
zelda_queenzelda_queen on July 3rd, 2010 02:40 am (UTC)
I think a huge part of it is Meyer butchering what she wanted to do with Edward, character-wise. She probably wanted it to be that he's been around a hundred years and spent all of that time studying, and thus is "been there, done that". But...isn't science and knowledge in general constantly marching on? Shouldn't there always be new material for Edward to learn? Or does Meyer think that stuff learned in 2010 is the same as what was learned in the '80s. Or '90s. Or even '09, probably.

Ah yes, he's about as good at planning evil stuff as the Bowler Hat guy from Meet the Robinsons. XD
Miss Shaolinashaolina on July 3rd, 2010 03:23 am (UTC)
But as you said science changes. And not even that, literature, linguistics, technology, law, business and so on changes. Like I said in one of my previous chapters (I think it was MS 1 part 1) there are always things to do as long as you have imagination.

XD Best... comparison... EVER!! Somebody get Edward a hat, stat!
zelda_queenzelda_queen on July 3rd, 2010 03:33 am (UTC)
XD But I doubt it would work with Edward. At least the Bowler Hat guy *knew* he wasn't smart and let the hat guide him. Edward would be like "Ha, stupid hat, thinking it knows what's best!" XD
Miss Shaolinashaolina on July 3rd, 2010 04:06 am (UTC)
Fine. He still needs a hat. That hair of his is too weird. XD
zelda_queenzelda_queen on July 3rd, 2010 04:33 am (UTC)
Alright, hats are cool. Everyone needs more hats. XD
Gehayi: willow geek (doubletrouble_)gehayi on September 14th, 2010 02:13 pm (UTC)
I think that Edward needs a fez. As in this picture. All the cool kids are wearing fezzes, you know.
zelda_queenzelda_queen on September 14th, 2010 03:09 pm (UTC)

Seriously, when I saw him wearing that thing, my first thought was "Dear lord, let that stick around for the next season!" According to TV Tropes, the reason they wrote in for it to be destroyed was because they knew that Matt Smith would take such a liking to it that he'd never stop wearing it - in the show and off. XD
Gehayi: eleventh doctor (brokenxskies)gehayi on September 14th, 2010 04:02 pm (UTC)
It is so perfectly typical of the Doctor's mad fashion sense that I would not be surprised if Matt Smith went out, bought himself a fez, and insisted on wearing it on the set.

It could happen. (According to legend, Tom Baker started wearing insanely long scarves because fans sent him the first couple. Apparently the knitters weren't very good at telling when to leave off. Hence the insane length. So there is precedent.)
Miss Shaolinashaolina on September 14th, 2010 03:48 pm (UTC)
I am Shaolina and I approve that comment. XD Gehayi, you genius, Edward totally needs a fez.

What show is that?
Gehayi: amy and eleven (gehayi)gehayi on September 14th, 2010 04:19 pm (UTC)
Oh, that's from Doctor Who. The chap in the fez is Matt Smith, who plays the eleventh incarnation of the Doctor, a Gallifreyan time traveler who travels in a spaceship/time machine that looks like a special kind of phone booth for calling the police that was around in the 1950s.

The BBC was brilliant in deciding that the Doctor's people didn't just die and stop--when Time Lords die, they regenerate into a completely different body--and a different aspect of the personality comes to the fore as well. This has let the show run, with multiple actors playing the lead role, since November 23, 1963. (The first run of the show ran from 1963 to 1989; there was a TV movie in 1996, and the show was restarted in 2005--becoming, for the second time, a tremendous hit.)

The icon is of the Eleventh Doctor at his companion Amy Pond's wedding to another companion, Rory Williams.
kitsune9tailedkitsune9tailed on December 21st, 2010 05:45 pm (UTC)
I think the main problem is that an author can usually only write a character as witty, humorous, sharp, insightful, etc. as the author him/herself. Sometimes an author can strike gold with a snarky comment when they aren't particularly witty, but showing intelligence is almost impossible to pull off without being very educated and doing a lot of research (which Meyer herself says she finds repulsive).

So, Meyer trying to write a very intelligent, well-learned character is well... to put it nicely: doomed to failure from the beginning.

Funny thing, though... She gets the petulant, whining, suicidally obsessive stalker down pat (exactly which of Meyer's characters follow these traits is left as an exercise to the reader).
Miss Shaolinashaolina on December 22nd, 2010 02:23 am (UTC)
I have said it before and I'll say it again: I think Meyer could write an ok crazy YA novel if she let her chains go. She's got stalkery sick love down to a T. Edward is "charming" and "handsome" but arrogant and psychotic.

"(which Meyer herself says she finds repulsive)"

XD Meyer herself said that? I mean, I always suspected, but never thought she actually said it.