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28 June 2010 @ 11:24 am
The host prologue  
Yes, I decided on the host. Hopefully it will be funny in some way. Since this is so short, I decided to MST it. It's been a while since I did something like this. It was fun. Next ones will be sporks unless I come up with something else.


> Self-inserted?

 The Healer's name was Fords Deep Waters.

> HAHAHAHA! XD What a goofy name. Then again this is from the creative mind that brought us Beautiful Swan.

 Because he was a soul, by nature he was all things good: compassionate, patient, honest,
virtuous, and full of love.

>And thus a very boring individual. Good thing he’s not our hero.

Anxiety was an unusual emotion for Fords Deep Waters. Irritation was even rarer.

> Being pleasantly annoying, however, was a common occurrence.

However, because Fords Deep Waters lived inside a human body, irritation was sometimes inescapable.

>Because, you know, us humans are filled with annoying emotions all the time.

 As the whispers of the Healing students buzzed in the far corner of the operating room, his lips
pressed together into a tight line. The expression felt out of place on a mouth more often given
to smiling.

> You could always move to Stepford.

 Darren, his regular assistant, saw the grimace and patted his shoulder.
 “They're just curious, Fords,” he said quietly.
 “An insertion is hardly an interesting or challenging procedure. Any soul on the street could
perform it in an emergency. There's nothing for them to learn by observing today.” Fords was
surprised to hear the sharp edge marring his normally soothing voice.

> (Darren) No, I meant they are curious about this anger thing you are experiencing. There’s a bet going on on how red we can make you before you explode.

 “They've never seen a grown human before,” Darren said.
 Fords raised one eyebrow. “Are they blind to each other's faces? Do they not have mirrors?”
 “You know what I mean–a wild human. Still soulless.

> Soulless? Is that Alexia on the table? No! Somebody get her her parasol, quick!

One of the insurgents.”
 Fords looked at the girl's unconscious body, laid out facedown on the operating table. Pity
swelled in his heart as he remembered the condition her poor, broken body had been in when the
Seekers had brought her to the Healing facility. Such pain she'd endured.…

> She had been forced to watch Highlander two while eating a peanut butter sandwich without milk. Oh, the horror!
 Of course she was perfect now–completely healed. Fords had seen to that.
 “She looks the same as any of us,” Fords murmured to Darren. “We all have human faces. And
when she wakes up, she will be one of us, too.”

>(as Ford) She will be assimilated!

 “It's just exciting for them, that's all.”

> And considering this is apparently a common practice that any alien can do, I have to say this is so far the most boring alien race I have yet to see.

 “The soul we implant today deserves more respect than to have her host body gawked at this

>Otherwise you could gawk and even probe away.

She'll already have far too much to deal with as she acclimates. It's not fair to put her
through this.” By this, he did not mean the gawking. Fords heard the sharp edge return to his
 Darren patted him again. “It will be fine. The Seeker needs information and –”

>(Darren) How else is Harry going to find the snitch?
 At the word Seeker, Fords gave Darren a look that could only be described as a glare. Darren
blinked in shock.
 “I'm sorry,” Fords apologized at once. “I didn't mean to react so negatively. It's just that I fear
for this soul.”

>(Af Ford) I will now knit you an apology sweater with lots of kitties on front.

 His eyes moved to the cryotank on its stand beside the table. The light was a steady, dull red,
indicating that it was occupied and in hibernation mode.
 “This soul was specially picked for the assignment,” Darren said soothingly. “She is exceptional
among our kind–braver than most.

>She’s also beautiful, smart, powerful and bakes a mean cake. Truly she is perfection incarnated!

Her lives speak for themselves.

>(as Ford) Or they would if we hadn’t mind raped them.

I think she would volunteer, if it were possible to ask her.”
 “Who among us would not volunteer if asked to do something for the greater good?

>So said Lotso before being thrown with the garbage. This sounds like utilitarism and I’m against that.

But is that really the case here?

>You are mind raping people, so no.

Is the greater good served by this?

>Depends on who’s greater good. I doubt this is for the good of the unconscious girl you are using, oh supreme kind one.

The question is not her willingness, but what it is right to ask any soul to bear.”

> But she can because she is so wonderful, sweet and farts rainbows.
 The Healing students were discussing the hibernating soul as well. Fords could hear the whispers clearly; their voices were rising now, getting louder with their excitement.
 “She's lived on six planets.”
 “I heard seven.”
 “I heard she's never lived two terms as the same host species.”
 “Is that possible?”

>Well, she never did a good job on the first so she always lost the reelection.

 “She's been almost everything. A Flower, a Bear, a Spider –”
 “A See Weed, a Bat –”

> A ducky, a weasel and a pop star sensation too.

 “Even a Dragon!”

>She was horrible to train then.

 “I don't believe it–not seven planets.”

> Well, with Pluto not being a planet anymore, seven was all that was left.

 “At least seven. She started on the Origin.”
 “Really? The Origin?”
 “Quiet, please!” Fords interrupted. “If you cannot observe professionally and silently, then I will
have to ask you to remove yourselves.”
 Abashed, the six students fell silent and edged away from one another.
 “Let's get on with this, Darren.”

> That’s what Monty Python said.

 Everything was prepared. The appropriate medicines were laid out beside the human girl. Her
long dark hair was secured beneath a surgical cap, exposing her slender neck. Deeply sedated,
she breathed slowly in and out. Her sun-browned skin had barely a mark to show for her…

> So no worries, she’s still hot. Would you imagine having to read the story with a character that is less than perfect? That would suck.

 “Begin thaw sequence now, please, Darren.”

>(Ford) We need to bake this turkey before Thanksgiving.
>(Darren) But that’s not until next year!
>(Ford) Shush! Who is the healer here?
>(Darren) Um... you?
>(Ford) Exactly! So hit defrost button now!

 The gray-haired assistant was already waiting beside the cryotank, his hand resting on the dial.
He flipped the safety back and spun down on the dial. The red light atop the small gray cylinder
began to pulse, flashing faster as the seconds passed, changing color.
 Fords concentrated on the unconscious body; he edged the scalpel through the skin at the base
of the subject's skull with small, precise movements,

>The game operation had taught him well.

and then sprayed on the medication that stilled the excess flow of blood before he widened the fissure. Fords delved delicately beneath the neck muscles, careful not to injure them, exposing the pale bones at the top of the spinal column.
 “The soul is ready, Fords,” Darren informed him.
 “So am I. Bring her.”
 Fords felt Darren at his elbow and knew without looking that his assistant would be prepared,
his hand stretched out and waiting; they had worked together for many years now.

>Just because he’s there doesn’t show that they’ve been working together for many years. What? Because he’s ready? That was established on the previous paragraph, plus he said so.

 Fords held the gap open.
 “Send her home,” he whispered.
>  (Ford)“A young woman with tanned skin and athletic body,” truly a great piece of real state.

Darren's hand moved into view, the silver gleam of an awaking soul in his cupped palm.
 Fords never saw an exposed soul without being struck by the beauty of it.
 The soul shone in the brilliant lights of the operating room, brighter than the reflective silver
instrument in his hand. Like a living ribbon, she twisted and rippled, stretching, happy to be free
of the cryotank. Her thin, feathery attachments, nearly a thousand of them, billowed softly like
pale silver hair. Though they were all lovely, this one seemed particularly graceful to Fords Deep

> Yeah, she’s perfect. Can we move away from the fawning?

 He was not alone in his reaction. He heard Darren's soft sigh, heard the admiring murmurs of
the students.

> Apparently not.

 Gently, Darren placed the small glistening creature inside the opening Fords had made in the
human's neck. The soul slid smoothly into the offered space, weaving herself into the alien
anatomy. Fords admired the skill with which she possessed her new home. Her attachments
wound tightly into place around the nerve centers, some elongating and reaching deeper to
where he couldn't see, under and up into the brain, the optic nerves, the ear canals. She was very
quick, very firm in her movements. Soon, only one small segment of her glistening body was
 “Well done,” he whispered to her, knowing that she could not hear him. The human girl was
the one with ears, and she still slept soundly.

> (as Ford) You still owe me 10$. If I can take them from your wallet, say nothing.

 It was a routine matter to finish the job. He cleaned and healed the wound, applied the salve
that sealed the incision closed behind the soul, and then brushed the scar-softening powder
across the line left on her neck.
 “Perfect, as usual,” said the assistant, who, for some reason unfathomable to Fords, had never
made a change from his human host's name, Darren.

>Maybe he was bewitched by the name.

 Fords sighed. “I regret this day's work.”
 “You're only doing your duty as a Healer.”
 “This is the rare occasion when Healing creates an injury.”

>(as Ford) Now I must go to my room and flagellate myself.

 Darren began to clean up the workstation. He didn't seem to know how to answer. Fords was
filling his Calling. That was enough for Darren.
 But not enough for Fords Deep Waters, who was a true Healer to the core of his being.

> Unlike Darren, who just works there and cleans up as Ford angsts.

He gazed anxiously at the human female's body, peaceful in slumber, knowing that this peace
would be shattered as soon as she awoke. All the horror of this young woman's end would be
borne by the innocent soul he'd just placed inside her.

>Yeah, the innocent alien invading her brain without consent. Truly she is the victim of this situation.

 As he leaned over the human and whispered in her ear, Fords wished fervently that the soul
inside could hear him now.
 “Good luck, little wanderer, good luck. How I wish you didn't need it.”

>(as Ford) Because this situation sucks for her, in case you missed it. Do I need to repeat it again, because I can. I am feeling so bad for her in my huge, tender heart (I’m super good, by the way) because she will suffer a lot for invading this human’s body. FEEL BAD FOR HER DAMMIT!! ... ... ... Sorry for the outburst, I baked some cookies.]

I have to say I hate Ford. I hope he's just some very minor character or else this is starting on the wrong foot.

Feeling: calmcalm
zelda_queenzelda_queen on June 28th, 2010 04:08 pm (UTC)
I'm not sure how prominent Ford is later on, but I'm fairly certain that he's supposed to be Native American, thus explaining his goofy name.

"Well, she never did a good job on the first so she always lost the reelection."

XD I laughed so hard at that.
Miss Shaolinashaolina on June 28th, 2010 10:19 pm (UTC)
Native American does not explain goofy names unless Meyer is basing this on Disney's Peter Pan movie. Plus his name is Shallow Deep Water, do I need say more?

That was also my favorite. XD
zelda_queenzelda_queen on June 29th, 2010 02:00 am (UTC)
I didn't say it was good. XD I actually didn't even realize it was *supposed* to be Native American, until I read the Nostalgia Chick's red-penning of it and saw her note how Meyer sucked with Native American names.

"unless Meyer is basing this on Disney's Peter Pan movie"

Would you really put it past her?
aikateriniaikaterini on June 29th, 2010 02:25 am (UTC)
I didn't even consider the idea that the name was supposed to be Native American either, when I first saw it. I just thought that the name sounded dumb. "Fords Deep Waters?" Seriously?

By the way, where did you find Nostalgia Chick's review of "The Host?" I like her video reviews of films. ^^
Miss Shaolinashaolina on June 29th, 2010 02:45 am (UTC)
It wasn't a review, she just marked the first few pages. Don't have the link since I'm on my phone. I can give it later if Zelda doesn't post it.
zelda_queenzelda_queen on June 29th, 2010 02:54 am (UTC)
She didn't video review it, she wrote on the online chapters and posted images of it on her site. You can read it here: http://wegotclass.wordpress.com/2009/04/16/people-read/
aikateriniaikaterini on June 29th, 2010 02:04 pm (UTC)
Thanks! :)
zelda_queenzelda_queen on June 29th, 2010 07:58 pm (UTC)
Np! ^_^
cecamire on June 30th, 2010 09:12 am (UTC)
The main character is the soul, called Wanderer/Wanda.
Can't wait 'til the next chapter! I was going to read it, but I didn't want to waste anymore of my life XD
Miss Shaolinashaolina on June 30th, 2010 05:18 pm (UTC)
So that's her name? Now I have a tiny pink haired lady stuck on my head. XD

Thank you. I already posted the next one. Man, that chapter was annoying to me. I tried mimicking it a bit though. If I were to summarize it all I would need is a paragraph.

Hopefully I'll get MS done today too.

Love your not-avatar, by the way. XD
cecamire on July 1st, 2010 01:04 pm (UTC)
The fairy godparent? :D

Thanks! XD
Miss Shaolinashaolina on July 1st, 2010 05:38 pm (UTC)
Yeah! XD I'm a big kid at heart, so I watch cartoons. Heck, animaniacs is still one of my favorite shows of all time.
cecamire on July 4th, 2010 02:37 am (UTC)
People look at me weirdly when I tell them I watch Phineas and Ferb :(
Miss Shaolinashaolina on July 4th, 2010 03:03 am (UTC)
I watch P&F! I love that show. I'm a fan of cartoons, musicals and humor. It's like mixing 3 of my greatest loves into one convenient package. XD Heck, that's what first came to mind when I read MS chapter 1 part 1 and Edward complained about how there was nothing to do.
Diamond Marie Udasaki-Taylor: Calmxxburningsoulxx on August 20th, 2010 04:38 pm (UTC)
Ack. The Grammar! I'M BLINDED BY THE HORROR OF THE GRAMMAR! *screams it at Meyer*

I swear this is godawful. I hated The Host. I COULDN'T FINISH IT! You know, I've never noticed that Ford Deep Waters was a Native American name. Maybe Meyer wanted to sound really cultural and create such a name to please people.

But nice sporking on it--I don't think I could manage through this. T_T *sniffle sniffle*
Miss Shaolinashaolina on August 20th, 2010 06:15 pm (UTC)
I'm more horrified at the stupidity, lack of emotional development and human hate. There are times I just want to stab it so bad but I'm down to chapter 12 so I keep thinking "Hey, 1/5 down 4/5 to go." XD It sounds less depressing in my head. Plus I had more problems formatting this thing since when I copy pasted the text it jumbled the words and changed the sizes and colors (Don't ask me why). Thank you writer for solving that problem.

And Ford being or not being a Native American never comes into question. I don't think he is because souls for the most part change their names (or so I read, but you know Meyer) so it could be that the soul thought it was a good name. Plus the only description we really get is how kind this annoying prick is.

There, there. (Hands handkerchief) I know it hurts. But I'm curious, do you remember how far you got?
Diamond Marie Udasaki-Taylorxxburningsoulxx on August 21st, 2010 08:26 pm (UTC)
Uh, I probably stopped at Chapter 9 or 10. The desert scenes kept dragging on and Melanie wouldn't shut up for anything and Wanderer was kind of boring me. But, like I said, I wish you luck. How did you get the online version of The Host?