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11 June 2010 @ 10:55 pm
First reading of Bree Tanner  
In this chapter we meet our heroes, they eat some pimp and ho and we learn that vamps are geeks.

    So we start our story with our heroine complaining about the inconsistencies of Riley’s approach. He wants silent feedings, but he doesn’t watch over them and doesn’t think about what feeding groups would be more efficient.  This part is stupid and goes nowhere, so whatever. If Riley doesn’t care and Bree doesn’t care, why should I?

    Bree then caught sight our wonderful hero of this alternative reading: Diego. He describes him as follows:

I didn’t know much about him, just that he was older than most of the others. Riley’s right-hand man was the word. That didn’t make me like him any more than the other morons.

Then the vampires start acting like geeks (and I should know, I am a geek XD) and start wondering which superhero would they be. I would be Black Canary. She’s badass, had cool powers and I do love the fact that she’s her own hero. That’s my problem with heroines like Supergirl and Batgirl. Yes, they are be cool, but they will never be cooler than their male counterparts. Not that Black Canary is that known, now that I think about it.   (And if you think that rant is silly, imagine Meypires doing it using the most popular heroes)  Blah, blah, blah, destroyed property, blah blah, showing off when they should remain inconspicuous, and whatever.

    Seeing this Diego goes mother hen on us and scolds the children because Riley said no. He is then mocked and ignored. Raoul, Diego’s rival proceeds to eat a woman in a car forcing our two main stars to bravely run away.

    They then start talking about how long they’ve been vampires. Bree is 3 months, and in better control than Jasper (the vampire who fought in several wars and been around for decades). In turn Diego have been a vampire for eleven months. Bree says to that:   

“Wow! That’s older than Raoul.”
Diego rolled his eyes and spit venom over the edge of the building. “Yeah, I remember when Riley brought that trash in. Things just kept getting worse after that.”

    Me-ow! I imagine it’s never easy when the vamp you adore brings a rival along.

    Bree then turns it about herself:

I was quiet for a moment, wondering if he thought everyone younger than himself was trash.

    Just to take it back:

Not that I cared. I didn’t care what anybody thought anymore. Didn’t have to.

   Little fact: Bree is bipolar. She does this all the time! She goes around saying things, just to change her mind or taking them back at random by the next sentence. I would love to see this girl’s livejournal. XD Her narration pretty much reads like this:

Dear livejournal:

Today I went to the mall to get a shirt. I wanted a red one to match my eyes. I hate red, got a blue one instead. It had a pretty unicorn on it, that annoying unicorn from The last unicorn. That is my favorite movie, too bad I’ve never watched it. I would so eat that phallic-horse if I saw it. But I would ride it first. Would it let me ride it? I am a virgin after all since Billy Mason ignored me all the way through High School no matter how much I drooled after him. Ugly jerk that he was anyway. Why doesn’t a guy look at me? Am I fat? Am I ugly?! That is, isn’t it! Well, screw that! I didn’t want to be looked at anyway!  And eeww, three guys are staring at me, what am I a, piece of meat? Those bastards, I’ll eat them!

    This girl is not stable in the way Meyer didn’t intend her to be.
  Anyway, they spot a pimp with two whores (one of them completely drugged up) and think: “Hey, happy meals!” Diego gets the male and Bree gets the girls, because Diego prefer gentlemen. Bree totally neck-rapes the two women and describes the satisfaction this way:

It quenched the fire in my throat, calmed the nagging, itching emptiness in my stomach.

    "Calming the aching cries of my soul! Silencing the squeals of my inner brain cavities! Perfuming my smelling feet!" My lord, such ferocity! Truly these are blood thirsty newborns!

    Once finished they drag the bodies down a murky river and pinned them with a rock. Diego is so pleased with himself-- what makes Riley happy makes Diego happy and whatnot-- that he wants to high five Bree. She then proceeds to tag it and run instead in fear he was about to smack a bitch. Diego laughed at her and they decide to hunt some more, this time two drunken homeless guys.
   Which brings up a wasted potential, aside from making Diego openly gay, and that is how blood affects vampires. A good reason for careful eating would be the problems of the human themselves. If you eat somebody from a non compatible blood-type from yours you  reject it, if you eat somebody with aids you get sick forever or if you nom on somebody abusing substances those substances affect you, and if you eat animal blood you get sick because it’s not fully compatible with you. Moving on...

    Diego states that he’s done for the next weeks, which sours Bree’s mood since she’ll be thirsty in a few days. Diego offers to accompany her since “Riley pretty much lets me do what I want.” Aaaww, it’s good to see a relationship based on freedom and blatant favoritism. Bree accepts his offer thinking about what he said (since true love is removing the engine of your car and having people kidnap you):

“So how come Riley gives you such a long leash?” I asked, wondering about the relationship there.
(They’re gay together, Bree) The more time I spent with Diego, the less I could picture him being in tight with Riley. Diego was so… friendly. Nothing like Riley. But maybe it was an opposites-attract thing.  (Lots of couples are like that. Makes romance interesting)
Diego says that Riley trusts him to clean after himself and invites Bree to follow him around. Bree accepts and I end for today. Follow me next time as Diego takes Bree shopping, talk about his boyfriend Riley, the beauty of sparkling and the foundation of the BFF club! (And, no, I’m not kidding.  All of that seriously happens.) See ya next time!
Feeling: gigglygiggly
aikateriniaikaterini on June 12th, 2010 04:45 pm (UTC)
So, if Diego is able to spit venom, then how did Edward manage to kiss Bella without instantly turning her into a vampire?

I see that Bree doesn't like Riley. Does she dislike Victoria too? I just hope that there won't be another round of Victoria-bashing.
Miss Shaolina: Smugshaolina on June 13th, 2010 11:32 am (UTC)
I'm guessing they never frenched each other.

And ever seen the powerpuff girls? She gets the him treatment. It's hilarious in my opinion.
Bolen Girlbolengirl on June 22nd, 2010 08:29 pm (UTC)
I just love your example of what Bree's LJ would look like - cracks me up! And thanks for the friend back. :D
Miss Shaolinashaolina on June 22nd, 2010 09:14 pm (UTC)
XD I'm glad. I just channeled my sister and imagined what would she write if she were in a pissy mood. Bree is just that, a moody teenager with powers. Nothing about her screams newborn vampire.

No problem. I love your icon.
OverlordMikeyoverlordmikey on November 29th, 2010 03:03 am (UTC)
I love that that Livejournal joke.
Also it's good to see a gay guy in a book who isn't angsting about it in some way, there are so few of them. Hahaha~