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31 August 2010 @ 11:36 pm
Evermore, chapter 6 part 2  

In which Riley creeps the fuck out of me!



Last time in Evermore Miles was pressuring Ever into sleeping with the new kid who showed up yesterday and may not like her for all we know. We were supposed to agree with this because they are main characters, Ever is us by proxy and every girl out there aims to sleep with the hottest guy as school. No, I don’t care that Ever finds him hot. She still wants to avoid him, they’ve barely talked and hotness =/= wanting a relationship with somebody. Now the continuation of that.

With the play date cancelled Ever’s aunt invites her off camera to eat. Huh, six chapters and the aunt is still just mentioned. Are we going to meet her at some point? Or is she just a shadow in the story to create a semblance of control for Ever to justify the fact Ever is basically living on her own in a mansion, with expensive cars and money to spend if she wants to?

Anyway, Ever dresses up as charity for her aunt and Riley then shows up and starts gushing about how hot Ever looks. And this actually brings a problem in the story. See there was a guy in Ever’s life called Brandon and I have yet to figure out what he was. Is he her ex-friend with some interests or her ex-boyfriend? Because I know that he’s the sixth guy she kissed and calls him her boyfriend, but I know friends can end up making out and not be a couple and some quotes treat him as just that. For example:

"Seriously though, you should dress like that more often.
Because I hate to say it, but your usual look is so not
working for you. I mean, you think Brandon ever would've
gone for you if you'd dressed like that?" She crosses her
ankles and gazes at me, her posture as relaxed as a person,
living or dead, could ever be.

Maybe this is my ESL speaking here, but “you think Brannon ever would’ve gone for you” sounds like Ever wanted him but they didn’t end up as a couple. Which makes no sense because Ever was dressing like this when she met Brandon and they were a couple. It would make more sense if Brandon would have stopped being around Ever when she changed her style to hoodies. Except that it was Ever who distanced herself from him and forced herself to be friends with Haven and Miles.  So, again, it makes no sense to me.

If anybody reading this read Evermore and can explain who the hell Brandon is to Ever, please do. Because I really can’t understand where the author goes with that character sometimes. For this review I’m going to say he’s her ex-boyfriend, even thought the quote I showed you contradicts this fact. Why? Because that’s the way the rest of the chapter is treating him.

So it turns out Brandon is dating Ever’s ex-friend Rachel. They were about to have sex just the other day, but didn’t. How do we know this in a first person narrative? Riley tells us.

She pauses long enough to laugh.

"I know I probably shouldn't repeat this, but let's just say
that Brandon did something very regrettable and extremely
embarrassing that turned out to be a major mood breaker.
You probably had to be there, but I'm telling you, it was
hilarious. I mean, don't get me wrong, he misses you and
all, even accidentally called her by your name once or twice,
but as they say, life goes on, right?"

I would like to take this opportunity to remind everyone that Riley is Ever’s 12 year old ghost sister. Said girl has been following her sister’s ex and stayed as she saw him do what I assume is surprise buttsex on his girlfriend as he called her sister’s name.  EEWW! No, just no. I’m pretty sure everyone has a list of people they don’t want to see having sex and somewhere on that list is your sister’s ex as he buttsexs your sister’s ex-friend while he calls your sister’s name. I even went and asked my sister’s and cousins a lighter version of this occurrence (an ex of mine and making out instead of buttsex) and none of them wanted tickets to that show. They are between 13-15 so they are around Riley’s age and mentality. From what I could get from their answer was that by getting my name called out it would bring images of me making out and it would be too weird to watch. So no, it’s not just me being “a prude” (which I’m not) or “asexual”.

Honestly, Noel, was there no other way to update on Brandon? I’m really baffled by this. And no, it’s not the sex as much as the who and why and the reactions that follows.

I can understand Riley going out and watching a couple having sex. As a ghost she must be wondering about what sort of life she would have had and those things she will never do. Have sex and make a family being popular desires that go unfulfilled once you die young.  But from the looks of it she didn’t do it because of any emotional need.

It looks more like spite towards the living, in this case her sister. She has been a bitch so far to her. Except that this doesn’t really work with me because of the sheer “WTF?!” that causes in me. Didn’t this gross her at all? Didn’t cause mental images of her sister getting rear-ended instead? Is her soul so twisted that the sex cries for her sister cause her glee now? Maybe that was the point of the author, but this looks to me like she wanted to update on Bandon while being edgy and ending with squick.

Ever agrees with me as she is weirded out by her sis and mad about the little comments, the bitchy attitude and… the updates on her previous friends? See, this is why I’m confused! Everyone else I know would have said “ex-boyfriend and friends” or something like that. She’s lumping Brandon with Rachel when her relationship with both was supposed to be different. Friend with benefits or boyfriend? Pick one and stick with it, Noel!

Ever then kicks Riley out and Riley agrees to go but before she does she says something completely evil:

I stare at Riley, daring her with my eyes to do something
stupid, something that will alert Sabine to all the truly
strange goings on around here. But she just smiles sweetly
and says, "Mom and Dad send their love," seconds before

I have to say, I really like that last line. Up until now Ever had asked a lot of times about her parents and Riley always ignored her. So I can’t imagine something meaner to say than that before puffing out. That makes sense to me coming from the spiteful ghost of your 12 year old sister. Way better than the unwanted sex scene.

Well, that’s all for now. Until next time this is Shaolina signing out!


(Chapter 7)

PS: A hurricane just passed here yesterday and my internet is still wonky. We are also getting another storm. I’ll post the other stuff during the weekend.

Feeling: uncomfortableuncomfortable
zelda_queenzelda_queen on September 1st, 2010 01:37 am (UTC)
You know, Riley is really reminding me of Regina's little sister in Mean Girls. We only see her once, but she's doing some genie-in-a-bottle dance to a risque music video. And really, why *wouldn't* having Brandon and Rachel simply making out serve the same purpose? I'll tell you what, when I'm dead, watching ANYONE boink is going to be low on my list of priorities.
Miss Shaolinashaolina on September 1st, 2010 01:58 am (UTC)
But then this novel wouldn't be edgy and cool.

I just can't imagine how she can get pleasure out of watching her sister's ex-boyfriend/friend/whatever (seriously, what is he?!) Butt screw her sister's ex friend while he moans her sister's name. I made a survey about it and everything. The girls I know that age want no tickets to that.

You are so right with the making out too. More subtle and I can see the meanness of Riley telling Ever that without me going WTF?! I can imagine her hanging around town and just happened to see them making out. See? Update, nastiness and classy. Why didn't Noel do that one instead?! I don't mind sex in a book, just make it sensible!

And I'm with you, but that's because I have no desire for sex so that wouldn't be a regret when I die.I would be traveling the world, if ghost rules let me. If it were like in Soulless then I'm screwed on that.
(Anonymous) on September 1st, 2010 04:46 am (UTC)
I just need to get this out of the way.
-cough- Okay, first off I just need to say Riley's twelve. Unless I have my facts wrong, but I think she's twelve. -shrugs-
Second; I'm twelve and this is creeping me out.
Third; Riley lives in America. I don't know if that makes a difference for... anything but, from what I've heard and seen, New Zealand is way different and so are the people here compared to Americans.
Fourth; Is this really how twelve year olds, well, are? Is this really how they act? Is it an American thing or am I just being odd in thinking Riley's acting like some weird combination of 6 and 16 years old?
I mean don't get me wrong, no-one I know is completly innocent at twelve, we cuss, girls and guys talk about each other and I know some people (not very good ones) who smoke but, this is screwed up on another level.
I know immature people; in class, at school, in my family. Fun, silly people who would act serious about somthing like this, if they were in Rileys position, with a sister whos parents were killed and now has know idea where they are because her stupid little sis is a bitch and won't give any information on them. Won't even tell her they're safe or that she doesn't know. Just hides everything.
I hate this book. -throws it in for good measure-
Fifth; I know she has legitimate reasons for watching people but... Riley was going to turn 13, if I'm not mistaken about her being twelve, so WHY WOULD SHE THINK ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW AND GO OUT AND WATCH PEOPLE-
You know what? I'm not gonna even start.
Sixth; Yes, he was her boyfriend, even though it cleary contridicts. And once he saw Ever none-prettified he went for Rachel, Rachal?. Oh, who cares?
Seventh; I can just imagine Riley coming to my school. She'd be picked on, pulled apart, and burned to pieces in no time.
Eighth; Riley, she's a bitch, we know, but Noel didn't mean to make her that way. Well, I think Noel only meant to make her a bit of a brat, that's all. Not this screwed-up-spiteful-evil-then-innocent-6-then-16-combination of a girl who sneaks around people watching them-
The sad thing is, I don't think Noel did any of that -points above- on purpose.
I could go on. And on and on and on. But I have homework and I'd much rather be doing maths than looking back on this. (Did I just say that?)
Peace, Valkyrie

Miss Shaolinashaolina on September 1st, 2010 10:45 pm (UTC)
I looked back and it doesn't say her age. Where I got 14 I don't know. XD But I trust you because you already read the book.

Which makes this extra creepy. Why was she doing that?!

And Noel fails at creating bratty. I keep thinking she's a spiteful ghost tormenting Ever because she never got to live her life. It makes more sense than anything else.
zelda_queenzelda_queen on September 10th, 2010 01:44 am (UTC)
Hey, I just read that bit:

"And omigod, you're never going to believe this but they almost went all the way! Seriously, they left the homecoming dance early, they had it all planned out but then well..." She paused long enough to laugh. "I know I probably shouldn't repeat this, but let's just say that Brandon did something very regrettable and extremely embarrassing that turned out to be a major mood breaker. You probably had to be there, but i'm telling you, it was hilarious. I mean, don't get me wrong, he misses you and all, even accidently called her by your name once or twice, but as they say, life goes on, right?"

From what that sounds like, they were going to have sex but Brandon shouted Ever's name as they were starting out (probably still making out). So Riley might be creepy, but not *that* creepy. ^^;
Miss Shaolinashaolina on September 10th, 2010 02:14 am (UTC)
See, I did think of that. My problem there is the even. To me that word separates the something embarrasing from calling her name. Like he did something worst than calling her name not once but twice (So Rachel wasn't even immidiately turned off by it). If Riley had said "He did something very embarrasing: he called her by your name" I would have reached that conclution.

Also, why so secretive in the first line just to state what it was on the next? "Let's just say..." sound like a double entendre. And considering Riley's personality as of now, I don't think she would shy away from the word making out.

Maybe Noel meant that, but I do have to wonder what her "even" means to her. The way she writes sometimes is very weird. I've read Frech books at a higher level than this without being confused (Double for English)
zelda_queenzelda_queen on September 10th, 2010 02:26 am (UTC)
Yeah, the "even" is weird. Based on where it is, I'd imagine that Riley was saying that Brandon misses Ever and the called her name during the making out as "even" a sign that he still liked her. I dunno. It really is clunky, but I've only ever heard "all the way" being used as actually having the sex, so the fact that they "almost" went that far would indicate that they didn't. O_o As for the "let's just say", all I can imagine is that he couldn't get it up without thinking of Ever or something. That's honestly the only thing I can imagine, besides the actually shouting of her name.

Of course, there's still the fact that Riley THOUGHT they were going to go full-on with the sex and was watching anyway.

Yeah, the writing is really weird. It's like Noel was trying to imitate casual hip slang but failed epically. >_
Miss Shaolinashaolina on September 10th, 2010 02:42 am (UTC)
All the way can have all sorts of sexual connotations. At what point would a 12 year old count it as sex. From what I get from my sister it would be orgasm, but somebody else could say the act of penetration.

I still say it's not making out/calling her name. If it were calling her name Riley wouldn't have said "once or twice" so casually. If a girl gets offended by that, she's going to get offended from the get go and leave.

Also, the way it's written shows no direct relation to me. Placing the name calling as a secondary action.

So, what's something embarrasing, mood breaking that would make Riley blush and go all "if you know what I mean" and have Rachel in a fatal mood? He guessed the wrong hole and keep on moving because "might as well". That, to me, is what happened. Can't be a lack of erection since he would be embarrassed, but it's not an accion he would regret.

The writing here is fatal at times. Like "WTF are you trying to say?!" Your story is a masterpiece by comparison. For starters, I'm never confused reading yours. At worst I may spot a plot hole, but I always get what you're saying.

Edited at 2010-09-10 02:46 am (UTC)
zelda_queenzelda_queen on September 10th, 2010 03:02 am (UTC)
Yeah, the entire thing is weird. I mean, I don't know much about conventions during sex, but I always thought that the name shouting happened during the actual sex and not the make-out.

Thanks. XD Same for yours. It's easy to tell who's doing what and when it's going on and where.
Miss Shaolinashaolina on September 10th, 2010 03:19 am (UTC)
Name calling can happen before actual act, depends on the person. Rachel could have been nibbling his ear when he said the first Ever. It depends on how sensitive you are, how in tune is your partner with your needs, and how you like expressing your pleasure.

Thank you. I try, with Englisgh being my L2 and all. I make so many mistakes sometimes-- stupid ones that I know not to make-- that it frustrastes me sometimes.

And hey, for what it's worth, I do love Bree for the fact she won't narrate how she sees her sister's ex accidentally butt screwing her ex friend. There are words I just don't want to put in a sentence together. XD
zelda_queenzelda_queen on September 10th, 2010 04:25 am (UTC)
Your writing's good, besides occasional tense problems. Heck, you probably write better than some of my high school classmates. XD I remember in eight grade, someone in my Literature class wrote an essay on "Johnny Tremaine" that was so badly worded I couldn't stop laughing. XD

O_o Um, yes. To be honest, a lot of Bree's adventures are a bit of wish fulfillment for me. I would like to wander around zany worlds and have adventures. I would not like to ever in a million years watch two people screwing each other. So you can be sure that you will never see that in my stories. XD