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20 August 2010 @ 02:00 pm
The host, chapter 12  

In which two idiots get lost in the desert and almost die.



So our chapter starts with Wanderer and Melanie getting lost in the desert. Meyer takes pages upon pages to state this fact, which would be fine if Meyer had a grasp on exhaustion.  Take me for example: as a big sister I’ve had to pick up my siblings at school. Their school is one hour away from my house uphill and I have no car. I have to go there walking under the blazing sun. You guys have no idea how tiring it is. I have to leave my house two hours before they get out because on the way I take rests and buy drinks. So while I haven’t experienced the same intensity, I do know what it’s like to walk under the sun for a long period of time. Thing is that for this chapter I don’t feel it.

This novel is first person as it happens, unlike The little prince. We are reading and "experiencing" her “journey” and all I get is “And then we said stuff and I was tired. Man I’m tired as I’m walking. I hurt all over because I’m walking under the sun. I’m going to take this opportunity to measure time as I talk because somebody who is dead tired from the heat can obviously maintain coherent thoughts, a normal conversation and keep count.”

I hate that counting bit! It’s so Breaking Dawn that it’s not even funny. Bella’s in immeasurable pain, but has no problem counting breaths; Wanderer is about to die from dehydration, but has no problems counting steps in every single action. Where’s the evidence of being tired?! Why are all her sentences so coherent? Why isn’t she seeing things? How come she even has the energy to talk to Melanie the way she does? I double checked and Meyer has Wandered gasping for air as she speaks once! Bull I say! Say she’s tired all you want, I don’t see it.

They are fine to talk about Jared and how he’s too smart to go make a trip unprepared into the desert unlike them. Also about how Wanderer believes there’s nothing after death and Melanie says that most likely the reason Wanderer is going along is because deep down she wants to be human. Can’t blame her if Melanie’s right because those bugs are so boring!

Finally they joke about how long it will take before dropping dead and then they do. I would be making margaritas about now if it weren’t for the fact that the book keeps going.

Suddenly sounds are made, steps are heard and water is thrown. Somebody cradles Melanie and puts a canteen in her mouth. Our heroines drink like crazy revealing it’s already night and they were saved by Uncle Jeb. So they were passed out in the desert for hours? Where’s a scorpion when you really need one. And nice to see Wanderer’s train of thought is intact even after being so dehydrated and weak that she passed out. 

This is so stupid. At least I’m officially 1/5 into this novel. Only 48 chapters to go. Until next time, this is Shaolina signing out.

(Chapter 13)


Feeling: thirstythirsty
Carakaslacarakasla on August 20th, 2010 10:24 pm (UTC)
How the hell is this book 60 chapters long?! It's almost double of Breaking Dawn! At lease in BD, Bella was preggers (I think) and was getting eaten from the inside out by now. Nothing has happened here! Are the chapters even short?
Miss Shaolinashaolina on August 20th, 2010 11:19 pm (UTC)
They are average. Around 15 pages so far (although some are much shorter and other much longer). My copy has 1,056 pages actually. So that's the amount of Meyer pages I'm reading through. Yay me. >_
Carakaslacarakasla on August 20th, 2010 11:24 pm (UTC)
Well, yet another reason why no one bought The Host, who the hell wants to read a book that big?!

(I know War and Peace was probably that big but...it's freaking War and Peace man!)
Miss Shaolinashaolina on August 20th, 2010 11:47 pm (UTC)
I don't mind long books as long as they are good. For example I just bougth some books and among them is Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norell and that thing is a brick and so is my "Ultimate Guide to the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy". Also, I could kill somebody with any of my annotated fairytale anthologies. Great stories do come in all sizes.

Although I'm sure the Twilight fans don't feel like that. Around 200 pages in and the Edward of the story is still not here.
Carakaslacarakasla on August 20th, 2010 11:54 pm (UTC)
Oh no, I'm not bashing long books. Long books are fine if they keep the interest up. I'm just saying it's yet another reason The Host failed because it was very long and boring, and even lacking the things that drew people to Twilight.
Miss Shaolinashaolina on August 21st, 2010 12:11 am (UTC)
I figured that. I was just agreeing with you by saying we were 200 pages in, give or take, and Jared's still not here.Plus having 2 people in one body prevents that avarage Twilight fan from doing a self insert unlike with Bella.

If you think about it, the main relationship is actually Wanderer/Melanie and in a way I applaud that. That little spin is indeed something new from Meyer, but it's so badly done. The emotional transitions are non existant, the repetition prevents them from being people I can care about and even with the friendship in the forefront the romance drags the story down and drowns it with a box of kittens. I can see why this book appeals to almost nobody, yet I still see the possibility of a good story. Just by removing the Twilight expys and the trademark Meyer abuse, this story would be okay.
green_zubatgreen_zubat on September 8th, 2012 12:14 am (UTC)
Thank you for this delicious sporking, Shaolina, these were my thoughts exactly on finishing this monstrosity. If you cut the romance portion from the story, or at least the Twilightian aspects of it, as well as the purple prose, you would have a book one quarter the weight and four times the quality. Sadly, Smeyer can't seem to write anything that's not at least ancilliary to her sexual fantasies.

Edited at 2012-09-08 12:24 am (UTC)
zelda_queenzelda_queen on August 21st, 2010 02:59 am (UTC)
"In which two idiots get lost in the desert and almost die."

XD Best description ever.

And I know what you mean about walking in the sun. Not so long ago, my family took our vacations via camping. This usually involved hiking mountain trails. Which, as the name implies, meant we spent most of the day, usually in the sun, walking up a mountain. I guess Meyer never walked through the heat without drinks? O_o

And I guess Uncle Jeb has a homing beacon nailed into his niece. XD
Miss Shaolinashaolina on August 21st, 2010 03:43 am (UTC)
That sentence right there is like 10 pages of this chapter.And I really think she hasn't because I don't get the feeling she's at the point of falling dead just like I don't believe Bella's painful transformation. It's all talk and no action.

And hey, he's meant to be the crazy uncle. Crazy people do crazy things so maybe he put inside her one of those pet chips. XD