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18 June 2010 @ 11:14 pm
Part seven of the Bree Tanner spork  
In which we have a picnic on a boat, pimpin' and the worst training session Meyer has ever written.

    In the last spork Riley called out Bree. Bree started freaking out thinking he caught her scent but instead he just tells her that he has a message from Diego. The mere mention of his name is enough to lower her defenses (and her IQ) and she is more than willing to follow him to the garage with the sun up. Riley even points out how stupid she is for this, but nothing comes from it and instead we start the Diego love-fest.

“So you and Diego are pretty tight, right?” he asked, just breathing the words. Probably, if everyone were silent in the basement, they would still be able to hear him, but it was pretty noisy down there right now.
I shrugged again. “He saved my life,” I whispered.
Riley lifted his chin, almost but not quite a nod, and appraised. Did he believe me? Did he think I still feared the day?
“He’s the best,” Riley said. “The smartest kid I’ve got.”
I nodded once.
“We had a little meeting about the situation. We agreed that we need some surveillance. Going in blind is too dangerous. He’s the only one I trust to scout ahead.” He exhaled, almost angrily. “Wish I had two of him! Raoul’s got too short a fuse and Kristie is too self-absorbed to get the big picture, but they’re the best I’ve got, and I’ll have to make do. Diego said you were smart, too.” 

    Then Riley tells her he has a mission with her name. See, Fred doesn’t give two craps about this coven and that isn’t good for the upcoming battle. So Riley’s plan is to have Bree play Femme Fatale and convince Fred to fight with them. Since she’s a virtuous  lady she promptly asks where Diego is.
    Riley proceeds to manipulate our heroine by telling her that Diego “figured out their secret handshake” and will tell her when he comes back from his scouting missing. He even gives romantic advise in exchange of Bree bringing Fred around. O-kay, this sounds like he’s trying to whore her off. Eeww.
    Well, we pass from the squick to training. Yes, action and... IT SUCKS!! My lord Meyer! The Newborns trained all day but we see none of it because Bree didn’t want to be part of it. I ask again, what is the point of this book?! This is no different from Bella being a vampire! Heck, Bella even trained which is more than I can say for Bree. But this girl thinks that learning to fight is useless since she’s bound to run away with Diego when she finds him. Never mind that you might get in trouble in the fight trying to get out either from the enemy or your own coven.
    And Bree moaning over Diego brings everyone to wonder where Diego is and we get a repeat that Diego is giving surveillance.

 

(I think he’s hunting dinosaurs. Look at the bloodlust in his eyes!)

 

    And then Bree gives me a little treat:

Was he really with her? I cringed at the thought. Maybe Riley was just saying that to keep people from questioning him. He probably didn’t want Raoul getting jealous and feeling second best when Riley needed him at his most arrogant today. I couldn’t be sure, and I wasn’t going usual, and watched the training. 

    Because even when he’s not going to show up again, Meyer still brings the slash.
    Riley proceeds to prove what a bright leader he is by confiscating lighters, returning lost limbs back and giving random orders. And I do mean random! Here’s the training sequence:

I noticed Riley saying the same things over and over and over again. Work together, watch your back, don’t go at her head-on; work together, watch your back, don’t go at him head-on; work together, watch your back, don’t go at her head-on. It was kind of ridiculous, really, and made
the group seem exceptionally stupid.

    Riveting stuff, right? Plus, sandwiched between that is paragraph after paragraph about how lame this is, how stupid, how dull and so on. She whines and complains about how boring this is-- this being newborns beating the crap out of each other, may I remind you-- to the point she decides to play rummy instead. She's seeing something no human can watch and she can't be bothered to describe it at all?! My lord, you suck!

(When Bree arrived to the scene, she rolled her eyes and played spider solitaire)

    Moving on, it is the day before the fight, everyone is now hungry and Riley stops the  training at that moment to give a compliment to his army. Everyone growls at him (and I still think it’s dumb to have them growling instead of clapping). Then he takes them out for a picnic: to eat all the passengers on a ferry. Long story short: they crack all the humans open like walnuts, with Bree at the low end of the spectrum, and nobody is sad about it.
    What I will say is that Meyer needs to stop pairing Fred and Bree up. Diego’s ashes are not even cold yet. (Oh, c’mon, you all know he’s dead. I haven’t finished this thing, but it’s so obvious.) At times is harmless stuff like the fact Bree only plays with Fred, he always smiles at her, and hang alone with each other, but other times Bree tells us how they “act like an old married couple that does things at the same time” and I want to smack her. Can’t people just be friends?!
    Well, once done with the ferry Riley drags them back home and talks battle plan. He starts talking about the Cullens and how they have icky yellow eyes because they are old and gross. He also mentions how they keep a pet and we finally see Bella’s sweater make an appearance. They start passing it around like it’s some kind of drug (I guess Bella is not just Edward’s brand of heroin) and Bree takes a hit and even her wants some Bella-bits.
    Riley announces that whoever gets to Bella first gets to eat her... tearing the group apart a bit. Yeah, Riley needs to learn some leadership skills. Hate to semi-agree with Bree, in which the matter the prize is given sucks (not that hers drove the group together as a single force) but I have to ask: Why do the sweater? Just mention the girl and that’s it. Fighting the Cullens should be the first priority and you already got them hooked and focused on the rival coven story. This is just a distraction, and you know Victoria wants to kill Bella herself since she’s that kind of villain so this is asking for trouble in my opinion.
    Next we move to one more “secret” but I won’t be getting into that until tomorrow. This is Shaolina signing out!

 
 
 
Feeling: accomplishedaccomplished
 
 
 
zelda_queenzelda_queen on June 19th, 2010 03:50 am (UTC)
“He’s the best,” Riley said. “The smartest kid I’ve got.”

Given the level of intelligence he's been showing...yeah, not inspiring much confidence there, Riley.

And that's what I meant when I said this was just a rehash of New Moon - Diego disappears and we immediately start setting up Freddy as a poor man's Jacob, to try to get in with Bree. But of course, she won't have him, oh no!

And the Diego picture - XD
Miss Shaolinashaolina on June 19th, 2010 04:22 am (UTC)
If you ask me everyone here is dumb. Victoria wants an army... yet she doesn't have Riley train them from the start. Riley's training tactics are dumb and he doesn't show the same commanding presence my stepfather shows to his troops.

Yeah, but I still want to stand on my Diego is Bella and Bree is Jacob (they are both just as whiny) and Riley is Edward. It's just more amusing to me and the story makes way more sense that way. I do agree this is New Moon. It's just as pointless and mind-numbing!

XD You know Diego's been eating dinos instead of being with Riley and Bree. Can you blame the guy?
zelda_queenzelda_queen on June 19th, 2010 04:49 am (UTC)
You're right, the roles can be switched around. XD Still, point stands.

Hmm, I wonder how long a dinosaur would hold a vampire off for? XD Or if their blood is the equivalent of a fine, exotic meal?