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18 August 2010 @ 06:27 pm
Evermore, chapter four  

In which Haven has a fit over the possibility of Damen not show, then he just shows up and substitutes characterization with uber hotness.


We start the chapter in an okay note actually. Not perfect, but for the most part cute. Ever tells us that she’s been getting constant visits from her sister and that although they still argue she lives for those interactions. It’s even better than the red convertible, expensive electronics and huge room. As a motherly big sister I know where she was going with this. Although some of the stuff mentioned could have been, you know, shown through scenes.

Ever takes her convertible and pick up her friends and I’m really having problems liking Haven at all: 

By the time Miles and I get to school, Haven is already
waiting by the gate,• her eyes darting frantically, scanning
the campus as she says, "Okay, the bell's gonna ring in less
than five minutes and still no sign of Damen. You think he
dropped out?" She looks at us, yellow eyes wide with alarm.

Or he could be late, you overreacting prat! It’s just his second day at school and nothing bad happened, why would you think he just dropped out?!

"Uh, because we're not worthy? Because he really is too
good to be true?"

Wow, way to start your ideals in this relationship. Truly you two will have a relationship of equals. (eyeroll) He’s just a man, sweetie. A lazy man at that since he couldn’t be bothered to get his own copy of Wuthering Heights online and went straight for Ever’s, while looking smug may I add.

I shake my head, and spin my combination lock, feeling the
weight of Haven's glare when she says, "When did this
happen?" She puts her hand on her hip and stares at me.
"Because you know I called dibs, right? And why didn't I get
an update? Why didn't anyone tell me about this? Last I
heard you hadn't even seen him yet."

Jesus, girl, don’t have a cow. It was on the parking lot yesterday when Miles forced her to talk to him. You know how Ever’s supposed to be antisocial and all. She froze like a deer in headlights and he laughed at her before taking her book.

"So let me get this straight, you're more of a liability than a
threat?" Haven peers at me through narrowed, heavily lined
eyes, her jealousy transforming her aura into a dull puke
green.

Well jeeze Haven, can you look more happy for the safety of the imaginary relationship you concocted with a man you’ve barely even seen much less talked to?

(Aside note: “I mean, since when can you call dibs on another person? Besides, it's not like I'm all that datable in my current voice hearing, aura-seeing, baggy-sweatshirt-wearing condition.” isn’t that supposed to be dateable?  XD)

But I don't say any of that. Instead I just say, "Yes, I'm a
liability. I'm a huge uninsurable disaster waiting to happen.
But I'm definitely not a threat. Mainly because I'm not
interested. And I know that's probably hard to believe, with
him being so gorgeous and sexy and hot and smoldering
and combustible or whatever it is that you call him, but the
truth is, I don't like Damen Auguste, and I don't know how
else to say it!"

Maybe you should tell that to the author. She’s the one insisting he’s your true love forever and ever.

And then Noel, sensing my disdain for this whole situation sends in the man with a nice parade of adjectives. He opens the door for Ever because he’s a true gentleman and they go to class.  He’s also being awesome as he is hot apparently and Noel can’t shut up about it. In fact let’s quote the ways in which Damen is hotter  than everyone else and all over Ever in the span of two pages and a half give or take with the wide margins. (Just for fun try to pick up a number):

1) I toss my bag to the floor,
slide onto my seat, lift my hood, and crank my iPod, hoping
to drown out the noise and deflect what just happened,
assuring myself that a guy like that-a guy so confident, so
gorgeous, so completely amazing-is too cool to bother with
the careless words of a girl like me.

>Amazing? Amazing at what? Vetinari is amazing, Toph is amazing, Adam and Jamie are amazing and even Dr Jesus H Cox MD is fucking amazing. So far Damen has just been there looking pretty. Just saying.

2) But just as I start to relax, just as I've convinced myself not
to care, I'm jolted by an overwhelming shock-an electric
charge infusing my skin, slamming my veins, and making
my whole body tingle. And it's all because Damen placed his
hand upon mine.

>What are the chances of Ever being mad and taking her hand away from the sudden overfriendly touch?

3)But when I glance from my hand to
Damen's face, he just smiles and says, "I wanted to return
this." Then he gives me my copy of Wuthering Heights. And
even though I know this sounds weird and more than a little
crazy, the moment he spoke, the whole room went silent.
Seriously, like one moment it was filled with the sound of
random thoughts and voices, and the next"

>(facepalm) The whole room went silent because he spoke? I—I need some chocolate to deal with this.

4)"Are you sure you don't want to keep it? Because I
really don't need it, I already know how it ends." And even
though he removes his hand from mine, it's a moment
before all the tingling dies down.

>It turned out his hand was covered in fire ants.

5) "I know how it ends too," he says, gazing at me in a way so
intense, so insistent, so intimate, I quickly look away.

>Then why did you took it if you weren’t going to really read it “since you know the ending already”. She could have really needed it for all you knew. And since when does knowing the end merits not keeping the book (and I mean that for both of you). Do you guys know every single line?

6 and 7) And just as I'm about to reinsert my earbuds, so I can block
out the sound of Stacia and Honor's continuous loop of cruel
commentary, Damen places his hand back on mine and
says, "What're you listening to?"

>(Ever) How to deal with slimy, overconfident houndogs in 10 easy steps. Right now I’m in the emotional castration podcast. Can’t wait for the physical one.

8) And the whole room goes quiet again. Seriously, for those
few brief seconds, there were no swirling thoughts, no
hushed whispers, nothing but the sound of his soft, lyrical
voice. I mean, when it happened before, I figured it was
just me. But this time I know that it's real. Because even
though people are still talking and thinking and engaging in
all of the usual things, it's completely blocked by the sound
of his words.

>O-kay, am I the only one hurt by the stupid cheesiness of that?

9) I squint, noticing how my body has' gone all warm and
electric; wondering what could possibly be causing it. I
mean, it's not like I haven't had my hand touched before,
though I've yet to experience anything remotely like this.

>(Ever) Usually people go around with clean hands and trimmed nails that don’t smell like he scratched their butt in their car. Somebody needs to tell this guy manicures are not just for girls.

10) "I asked what you're listening to." He smiles. A smile so
private and intimate, I feel my face flush.

>Didn’t you described it like that already?

11) I shrug, unable to avert my
gaze as I stare into his eyes, trying to determine their exact
color.

>(Ever) Dammit, I still haven’t learn my colors yet.  Which one is blue again?

12)And then Damen leans back in his seat,
and I take a deep breath and lower my hood, sinking back
into the familiar sounds of adolescent angst, test stress,
body image issues, Mr. Robin's failed dreams, and Stacia,
Honor, and Craig all wondering what the hot guy could
possibly see in me.

Last one since it’s end of chapter. Hey guys, do you think Damen is hot? It's hard to tell with the ambiguity of the text.  Well at least Adonis, angel and pagan god hasn’t showed up yet.

Until next time this is Shaolina signing out!

 

(Chapter 5)

 

 
 
Feeling: discontentdiscontent
 
 
 
zelda_queenzelda_queen on August 19th, 2010 04:08 am (UTC)
"But just as I start to relax, just as I've convinced myself not
to care, I'm jolted by an overwhelming shock-an electric charge infusing my skin, slamming my veins, and making my whole body tingle. And it's all because Damen placed his hand upon mine."

That's...just copied from the mitosis scene in Twilight. Granted, without the pseudo-Austen narration, but the electric tingles from the touch? The attempted meet cute via a means to establish both of them as Educated and Intelligent? For heaven's sake, would it kill these people to at least PRETEND they're not knock-offs?
Miss Shaolinashaolina on August 19th, 2010 04:24 am (UTC)
I know. XD I'm just waiting for the David comparison and be done with it.

I keep trying to look for complaints outside of Twilight though. After all somebody talented could take the ideas from Twilight and make something better, which Noel has failed to do so far. Like the way the author writes long info dumps instead of writing an actual story. Because, my lord, there no creativity in this book. In fact The host is more creative with better writen scenes since there are scenes. And I can't believe I wrote that.

I swear this is so far Twilight self insert fanfiction. Meyer has a better case against Noel than Stouffer did against JKR. So you can already imagine how my Evermore drinking game will be.XD
zelda_queenzelda_queen on August 19th, 2010 05:48 am (UTC)
"I keep trying to look for complaints outside of Twilight though"

Good idea, actually. By the looks of things, if you compared everything in that to Twilight, there wouldn't be much actual recapping. O_o

I'm surprised Meyer hasn't sued at least one of the authors of these knock-offs.

Oh, I can imagine. XD I shall have my cup of milk at the ready. ^^
(Anonymous) on August 19th, 2010 09:20 am (UTC)
My head hurts.
Hey, It's Valkyrie, I'm glad your doing the rest of this XD. -huggles-
Yeah, It's a lot like Twilight and Noel probably read that book first, then decided to do this, hence the reason It's very alike. Meh, -shrugs-, it came out after Twilight so what else am I suppose to think?

Even after the books over, we still don't find out why he can silence peoples thoughts and energy and God knows what else.

Damn plot-holes.

And the "Havens not a very good friend" thing gets much worse, believe me, -sigh-, can't I ever get a series where the friends ar real, good and believeble?! (-cough-Besides from the Harry Potter series -cough-)

Ever: Ohhh, his smile, his touch, so intimate, so private, so gorgeous-sexy-hot-angelic-smoldering-conbustible-enticing-handsome-Adonis-Edward-perfect-Cullen-like, it is.


Noel: -drools-
Me: Err...

"...trying to determind their exact color..." You mean you don't know what the color brown is? Please don;t let it be chocolate brown. -shudder-
Ow, my head hurts.
Peace, Valkyrie
(Anonymous) on August 19th, 2010 09:23 am (UTC)
Re: My head hurts.
Plus, I'm pretty sure the only person who could ever make somthing like Twilight good would be Das Mervin. She's Awesome that way, lol. So is anyone who reads these ;).
Miss Shaolinashaolina on August 19th, 2010 05:16 pm (UTC)
Re: My head hurts.
Oh, yeah. A friend got me a copy I could use and seeing it so small I figure I could tackle it along side The Host. I also have Marked, but there's something about that book that tells me to burn it. I'd rather wait until I'm done with The host to get into that one. And

I wouldn't be surprised if this was "inspired" by Twilight. It was made at Twilight's peak in popularity and released in 2009 if I remember correctly.

Now, now, no spoilers. I make my work as I read. I like being surprised by both the good and bad. I think it's funnier that way for me.

And the whole Damen section was so painful. Yes, I get it, he's super hot and makes you tingle. Can we move on?
aikaterini: L - Stupidaikaterini on August 19th, 2010 03:43 pm (UTC)
All right, now I really don't like Haven. What is this girl's *deal?* She's Bella on steroids. She's "calling dibs" on a guy she doesn't know and hasn't even spoken with yet, she's so obsessive that it's ridiculous, and she's insanely jealous of Ever for *no* reason. Miles had to practically drag Ever over to Damen to get her to talk to him, and he and Haven acted like it was such a crime that Ever wasn't obsessing over Damen like they were. Ever wanted nothing to do with him, and Haven and Miles were the ones pressuring her to like him. Now all of a sudden, Haven is snapping at Ever to keep her hands off "her man?" Is this girl bipolar or something? Is her only purpose in life to obsess over a stranger, to provide some "competition" for Ever? Wow, what a lovely, feminist image. It's not like I've ever seen *that* portrayal of teenage girls in fiction before.

/"So let me get this straight, you're more of a liability than a
threat?"/

Wow. Just wow. Not content with calling Ever a freak because she's not drooling over Damen, Haven now proceeds to label her a liability. A *liability.* Yeah, I can see why you two are friends. I can see how much you care for Ever's feelings (as in, not at all). What an utterly selfish, shallow, insensitive twit.

Note to Haven (and Ms. Noel): The day you call your supposed friend a "liability" is the day that you are no longer that person's friend.
Miss Shaolinashaolina on August 19th, 2010 05:09 pm (UTC)
I know. She's driving me crazy! At first she was just a tad annoying, but now she's acting like an overreacting bitch over a guy she looked at yesterday afternoon. He's not even interesting so far. While I wouldn't have snubbed him back when I was a teen I wouldn't have payed attention to him either.

The only reason she's acting like this is because Ever is the most beautiful girl in school but because she's wearing a hoodie up nobody seems to notice anymore. No, I am not kidding. Re read the first chapters if you don't believe me. So Noel took the "Glasses on/Glasses off" cliche and used a hoodie instead. That's why Miles asks Ever if she had her hoodie up or her hoodie down when she talked to Damen and all future references to that goddamn hoodie.

So yeah, it's that whole idea of Ever being an everygirl that would just bloom into a beautiful flower if she just exposed herself to the world. Only that every girl here is a bitch, the narration in this thing kills me, the lack of humor and the fact just everyone is hot for this guy. Um, hello, not everyone has the same tastes.

Also, Noel's use of first person is worst than Meyer's because at least with Meyer you were in Bella's head... you hated it in there but you were in there whereas Ever is just being extremely distant by summarizing plot points that should have been scenes making you unable to really get her. This book would suck less in thrid person, it almost reads like that. The whole thing is clunky exposition, clunky exposition, scene, clunky exposition and this is chapter four already! Can I get a story at some point?!

And the liability thing was so wrong. My jaw hit the floor when I read that. Way to show friendship, (eyeroll)